My Life Story

Monday, September 15, 2008

7:07 AM

since there aint nothing much to blog about,
just went out with the usual people.
played at Hougang Park as Keatpeng's sis was having bbq there.
played and have fun and after that went home.

and I shall now post a super long one, a super word post for people whom dont know me.
well, I shall start when I was a little boy.

...

for people who are close to me (and I mean really really close) will know,
I trust typically, no one. Yes, no one AT ALL.
well, I shall eleborate how and why.

I used to have best friends in my pri school days, yeah, you got it, BEST FRIENDS.
who doesnt?
and well, I still remember that Neopets was the hot game in town, everyone was playing it.
I had an account which was a not bad one, quite good to be honest.

I would sometime go to my best friend's house to talk about our pets and stuffs,
we would discuss, show each other and all.

I challenged people's pets to fight and all, won and lost.
and one fine day, I realised, my password aint working anymore.
I was on phone with my best friend and he said he knew nothing.

but who would have thought that it was none other than.. well, I guess you guys guessed it too.
yes, it was my best friend whom hacked it.
so much for a best friend huh?

And then, my life in primary school kinda suck from then on,
I was primary3 I rmb, my group of clique consist of 3people, me and my 2best friends.
and what do you know? Im the outcast, the 2of them side each other,
well, they did said I could 'join' back, but well, Im a man with pride.

maybe this was why I will like to feel belonged.
I always hated the feeling of being an outcast,
and if anyone ever made me look like an outcast very obviously,
I dont mind giving him hell right on the spot. Well, that me.
if its me you want, its me you will get.

And primary4 nears, I have got new cliques, which I still contact now. Fortunate.
I remember my form teacher Mr Chan. and primary5 form teacher Mr Lau, and primary6's Mrs Yoong.

My bad days did not end, it was when I was primary5,
I had a new best friend again, and was bastard by him. Damn Fuck I was pissed.
I shall not eleborate what happened but god damn it I was really pissed.

Now do you know why I dont trust people so easily?

anyway, skip to sec1. I got 227 for psle, got into the first class of Hougang Secondary,
but somehow, I wasnt the type that study.
Hell I dont even know how I get 227 with no revision and with all the games from after sch hours to 3am.
and so, I got typically no friends in school.
and the period I hate most is none other than RECESS.
I will be "damn, where should I go"

I hate to be like as if I was so pathetic to go around looking like a headless mosquito.
and of cos I dont like to be seen as if I am an outcast wanting to be noticed.

but surprisingly, I survived. I was having the thought of quitting school.
I really didnt know how I survive.
oh, I rmb having another good friend that I knew before I went into HS due to basketball,
you should have seen the smile on my face when I saw him, but yeah,
same thing, was fucking pissed off too when I knew what he did and said and so on.
Fuck.

Trust? Fuck this word.

And sec2 was when I started making new friends.
I didnt really have much friends of the same age,
I was mixing around with people that were older than me by 1year old at that time,
my basketball teammates.

we were, well, super close.
they are still now, but not me.
I dont know why too but ok we could move forward alittle.

sec3, I had another new friend, that somehow its the 1st person after so long to have gained my trust.
we went out tgt, do alot of things tgt and went through quite alot.
Well, till now, I still didnt know why I did that but this time, its was him that was pissed off.
I sometimes do regret but what to do?
people do makes mistakes and maybe this one would be the one that was my greatest regrets at that time.
that period, I had little friends. Pathetic life to be exact.
But well didnt know what to do. Was only 15 and all I went through was being betrayed,
Never would I thought of I would go through such situation in my life.
Mistake, I think that was the only mistake that I made in life that somehow did a huge impact.
But well, we are now living lifes of our own.
Sometimes, sometimes, I do wonder what if we didnt had that quarrel.

Yeah, what if, only if. Fuck these phrase too.

And ya, sec3, I was together with my first true love, the girl I had been in love for 3years?
The girl was none other than ... ok Im not sure if she wants people to know but, Angelina is her name.
I was so shy, I would avoid any chances of bumping into each other.
my friends helped, she hinted too. And slowly, this love blossomed on the 23rd of April 06.
Tgt for 1month 1week, and we broke off.
The previous entry of Letting Go? Its was on my msn space at that time.
Yes, THAT TIME. 2years ago.
I couldnt let go of her no matter what, it lasted all the way till sec4, my olvls.

Yes, it was around this time when someone told me,
"to let go, you need to find another one"
and yeah, I heed the advise to 'find another one', hell I found alot of different ones.
Yes, to be exact, I was flirting.
Msging girls all at the same time, and well, Jasmine came into my life and so did I went into hers.

28th of Jan 07, the girl which made me successfully let go of my past.
my heart still has Angelina at that point of time, and I did said honestly when she asked
"do you still like Angelina?" , I replied "yes".
I bet she was sad and angry. My fren then told me "cannot say truth to girls one, they like to listen to nice things"
well, I heed the advise and there was once she asked me again, my reply, this time, was,
"ya..." and she went "huh?" ... she didnt hear properly, and my fren's advise came into my head,
I changed my reply at that time to "? no la.."

yeah, throughout this 11months of r/s, everyday we quarrelled, but somehow,
we manage to pull through all the obstacles.
but there was this one fine day which I dont know what the fuck got into my head.
we werent quarrelling or whatsoever, we were msging,
I just called up her and told her I wan a break up.

Maybe its all the bits and bits of quarrels, and I know we were both worn out. Too worn out.
Tired.

I can feel the love wasnt there anymore, I can feel it.
and then, Jay Chou's song was the tap opener for me.
Wo Bu Pei - "zhe gan jue yi jing bu due wo nu li zai wan hui"
I knew the feeling was different already, I tried to save it. Or did I ?
another one was Cai Hong - "kan bu jian ni de siao wo zen mo shui de zao?"
how can I slp without seeing your smile? True enough, I had sleepless nights.

And whenever I hear the song, water just runs down my face.

Till now, I still contact her, and her family, and her dog.
she had made it into my life. Successfully.
We do still meet each other and stuffs, and we DO~ still quarrel,
but I guess, in this world, she should be the one that understands me most.
And I think I understand her too (well she never agrees to this sentence).

Oh, talking about her and her family,
I bought mooncakes for her parents and her family.
I dont know why, special occassions, I will just want to be good to their parents.

And sometimes, I really feel very bad, I dont do much for my own parents.
damn Im gonna be emo soon.

All I want to say is, I do love my family, be it my sister or my parents.
But asking me to say I Love You to my mum? never I guess...

I really want to cherish times with her, but ... I really dunno how.
I... I.. I am out of words.
sometimes I just wish that I could make myself to do something good for her directly.
and not buying food back at talking to her in a bo kup manner "want eat anot?" with that sian sian tone.

I seriously cant make myself to ... to speak nicely to her,
Perhaps she has broken the r/s between us long ago in the past.

I still rmb (ok fuck, its suppose to be my life story, sorry if you dont wanna hear)
in the past, I went out with her once to watch movie Planet of the Apes. How long was that.
and after that, both of us went to play arcade. funny huh? Arcade with, my mum?
we were so damn fucking happy at that time, I can still rmb the smile on her face. So Happy.

I know, Im the one she dotes most. Its obvious too.
But sad to say, Im the most rebellious out of the 3children she had.

I still rmb I went to watch 881 with jasmine, then with jasmine and her parents.
Then I was thinking, I treat Jasmine's parents way too good.
So good, I felt guilty.
Jasmine encouraged me to ask my mother (cos I was bad terms with her only, not my dad)
to watch 881 together, afterall, people of my mum's age may like the show.
and so we watched it.

You know? My mum was so eager.
I just merely ASKED OUT OF THE BLUE~
somehow its like with no intention of doing it kinda BLUE~
and what do you know?
the next day while I was having breakfast/lunch with Jasmine,
she called telling me she was at Plaza Sing already, ask me go now.
its super sudden, super out of the blue.
from there, I reaslied, how much my family actually missed, those bonding outings.

I guess she was happy too at that time, who knows she might be boosting this small little thing in her workplace
"where I go ytd ah? aiyo, go out watch movie with my son lor, that 881 ah.." who knows.. who knows..

this reminds me of something that happened recently,
she called me, I didnt pick up, I called back, she didnt picked up.
and when she return home from work, she just said, "actually want ask you want watch movie anot"
at that moment, I didnt reply, I didnt know what to say.
I just regretted not running fast enuf to the phone.

alright, jump out of that topic.
talk about, love.
Right now, I feel abit weird. Somehow, I cannt imagine myself being so good to someone else already.
I had given my everything to Jasmine, all my trust, my all.
Well, it didnt work out but she still has my trust now, and..
I dont really think I cant find a girl that, I will do the same for.
I somehow thinks that, now, every girl, is too materailistic, and so on.
Those plain simple Love r/s is no more, its all about the holes and the money.

Well, I doubt anyone will read such a long post word by word,
its for my own reference in the future anyway.
I do read back, in fact, I just read ALL the post, since the first one.
Well, honestly, it did opened the tap, but ok. I dont know what to say.
but whats past is past. Bygones be bygones (ok no link)
I dont know why its been months since I last drop a tear for her,
I did tried to (ok I know its lame =.=) but I really did tried to think back,
look back, and do all sorts of stuffs just to try to see if Im able to make myself to drop even just a single drop out.
but I failed everytime, that was when Im convinced I have no feelings for her anymore
but hey, I looked back the past post was due to pure boredemness ok,
I didnt know it would make me, well you know, damn, am I being abit too honest?
like I say, I doubt anyone will read it anyway.

If that anyone really read word by word, pls tag me LOL.
people dont tag my blog anymore
I know this part will be read, normally ppl will see the last few paragraphs one.

anyway, my life story should end with the present.
now, I have a bunch of good friends.
and Im living a normal life.

posted by gx